grand re-opening.  i just have to figure out too many things.

It feels good to be 20.  Apprehension abounded before my birthday.  Who wants to lose their teens and the carefare sense of youth married to those years?  Who wants to grow up?

I guess it hit this morning as I woke up to birthday cake for breakfast.  I'm 20 and there is so much I want to do with my life. 

This year I am finding motivation in:  random tidbits of historical figures and their pursuits of problems, questions that leave wanting to be something better, friends who I want to make proud, family you unfailingly loves, and something totally new - me.

I am entering this new year with a new resolution, changing the structure of my knowledge, my responsibilities, and finding a deeply rooted foundation of solid knowledge, divine pursuits, and perservance.

I think I am more attentive after a buzz and plan to try that in the more challenging classes ahead. 

I feel a different kind of responsibility to myself now.

I don't want to be full of any kind of bull any more.  It's the real me now.

Birthday synopsis:

1.) Study Chem for Bio and learning classical greek math and Archimedes Calc class

2.) Considered changing majors

3.)  Saw an unexpected movie that yielded less that satisfactory results

4.)  Got lost in a cycle of one-way streets surrounding the theatres

5.)  Screamed at random toll booth men and ran through multiple intersections

6.) down mango and 151 with very good friends

7.)  came home to a toilet seat cover covered dorm with my cinelas missing

8.) enjoyed yummy noodles, cake, and good company

9.) didn't think about being 20

10.) had one of the best birthdays ever

I have a feeling this is the start of a great year!

 I feel like running through the sprinklers.  Man, I still can't figure out to vote green party and waste a vote, or go support parties I really don't believe in.  I'm up talking about nothing when I should be memorizing plant anatomy and SN2 reactions.

Updates, actuallly shameless event plugs:

1.)  High School Friendship Games.  "Friendship Games is a networking opportunity for the asian interests clubs in the local community."  We know they got the SPUF!!  Going down this Saturday, about 400 students.  Lots of fun.  Free BBQ.  UOP Campus!

2.)  Diabetes Walk.  Type 2 diabetes in skyrocketing among teens and young adults.  Come help out, burn some calories, and help buy insulin j/p.  Sunday at UOP Campus.  TAKING PLEDGES NOW :)

3.) Fullerton Friendship Games.  All college/universities pinoy club competition.  Last year UOP took 3rd, looking up.  Going back home is enough reason for me.  Next Saturday. 

**

Paradigm shifts and Kunz.  I went to sleep with possibly some of the most important literature in scientific thought.  Imaging lying flat on a bench, staring up at the vastness of the sky.  Afterwards, remain there but pretend you are looking from above.  The world gets bigger.  You can never go back to.  Irreversible paradigm shift. 

Anything is possible though.   Sheila turned 21 today.  21 seems so far away yet today seemed closer to the future then ever.  I think about dying sometimes know, not in a sad depressed kind of way but within a re-evaluation.   Trying to find direction is hard when you don't know how its going to end.  Trying to figure out the ending spoils it though, I love surprises.

Nothin pleases me more than good stories.  Tonight in Mark's room Jenn and Marvin lip sync'ed  to Mark and I, Star spangled banner style.  Mark can sing for sure dude.  I need to practice.

HAHAHAHA, ever had one of the moments when random embarrassing memories come back to you and you feel a rush of your exact emotions in an instant, almost like ramen.  Ramen sounds good right now.

Perhaps nothing can be better than stillness.  Stillness sober.  Stillness under the influence. HAHAHA, in davis they give BUIs now just because everyone has a bike over there.  Steal the seats you say, evil vicious but current campus crime.

"Liza, girl, I think you met your twin"  What my mom didn't tell me about this one, I'm special, only one of me.  Threatened individuality I say not.  Harken ye, lest no of thy fall to pit of misery and agony, lest i not lost individuality.

Things change.  People change.  And even taste changes.  Pie used to be really good.  Can I help it when I see the saturated fat, chains of carbs and glucose.  I can even eat spam anymore because I can't imagine emulsified cells.  I'm seeing what I eat know....ahh, parenchyma currently.  Hydrogen bonds to wash it down.  When you actually picture the movie of digestion its still amazing how you manage to eat all the crap you do.

Orchids die from the stockton water.  Too much for the plasma membranes to filter.  Can I still brush my teeth here.

Ice. Kahlua, Vodka, and a tad of Bailey's.  Ahh, yum.  I have been sober for days now....5 and counting, birthdays, holidays, parties, and evenings excluded.  Ahh..

My o chem professor is a genius russian.  he talks about vodka in lecture.  he must have been a gorgeous man in his day.

Its hot.  Today the sun was red.  It was so beautiful.  The air seemed dense and heavy but I thought nothing of anything.  Sadly, fires abound.

Must finish Statistics, must find sleep, must make time, must choose my calling.

Choosing my calling: the newest paradigm shift!

****

I saw this picture first in an old met planner, then finally at the getty live.  Gio just happened to send it to me now from the met.  He wants to go to Paris next.